


Finding Your Way Home

by LovelyLola



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Happy Ending, Homecoming, Reflection, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4202151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLola/pseuds/LovelyLola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy never admitted feelings towards each other, never made such a suggestion out loud. But when they are separated, they each must face the fact that there is <i>something</i> between them. What happens when they are finally reunited?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Your Way Home

Bellamy has never been a religious person, never believed in a higher power. 

Some people in from The Ark clung to Earth as if it were their salvation, a dream that got them through the strained life in space. 

Bellamy never had such delusions. He didn’t think that the ground would magically solve all their problems. 

Instead he worshipped history. He memorized mythological tales of the Roman’s and Greek’s, learned the names of all the ancient rulers, knew all about the different wars and conquests. He held on to it as if it would somehow bring him peace. As if learning the past would help guide his future. 

And he still thinks that, but his world changed completely once Octavia was born. 

Soon he began to idolize her, doing anything to win her the world. He started to think of themselves as gods. As if they where the Gemini twins, destined to be together for the rest of their lives, even in death. 

But the night of the dance changed all of that, making Octavia a delinquent while their mom was floated.

And then Bellamy had been alone. 

He no longer believed in anything at that point. 

Nothing had helped him in life, nothing had turned out the way he wanted. He was alone, and it was his own damn fault. There was no one to blame; and even worse, there was no one to pick up the pieces. 

That year had been Bellamy’s personal hell. He thought about Octavia and his mother every day. He thought about how wrong he had been, how he had failed. Failed to fulfill a promise he made at six years old - Octavia is his sister, his responsibility. 

And he had not only broken his promise, but failed his mom and sister. 

Bellamy could never be a god himself - he proved that much already. 

So if he isn’t in control, who is? And whoever it is, how could that being let Bellamy’s life end up this way? How could this god let Octavia end up in the sky box and leave Aurora’s lifeless body to float in space, simply for having a second child? 

And so, Bellamy couldn’t believe in anything. Not in an all-powerful being, in destiny, in fate or in chance. Hell, he couldn’t even believe in himself. 

But all of that changes when he meets Clarke.  
Not that he’d admit that, at least not at the beginning. 

On earth, he foolishly let himself believe he is once again powerful; having taken the opportunity to kill Jaha so as to be reunited with Octavia, becoming in change of the hundred, even regaining some control over his life. 

But after what happened with Charlotte, he knows his belief is once again in vain. He is not in control, as Octavia often tells him. He is no one - nothing. He couldn’t even kill Atom when the delinquent begged Bellamy to end it all. 

But Clarke, she could. She hummed to the dying man, offering him comfort before fulfilling his wish. 

And Bellamy couldn’t help but stare at her in wonder, thinking, “If ever there was a god, she’d be it.” 

It is then that Bellamy begins to notice Clarke’s power, in everything she does. 

She can heal people; not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. She has proven as much, allowing him to find contrition for his past failings for the first time in his life. 

She knows he isn’t evil, isn’t a monster.

“You aren't a murdered. You did what you had to for your sister, that’s who you are.” 

Even though she had this faith, he still had to purge himself of his sins. Had to tell her his weaknesses and his failings. But even then, she wouldn’t let him run away and hide. “You have to come back with me.”

That was the first time he had offered her something. But it wasn’t the last. 

It seems that he can’t stop offering up sacrifices, pieces of himself, to Clarke. Even if she is under the impression that they are equals, that she needs him, he knows better. He might inspire the hundred, but he knows where his own faith lies.

And so he turns to her in times of trouble, seeking assurance. When deciding to torture Lincoln, he waits for her nod. When deciding to leave the camp, hoping to outrun the Grounders attack, he looks to her. Whenever he needs strength, she is there to offer it to him, to give him hope. 

It develops into a ritual of sorts, a way for him to reach redemption and to believe in something more. It even reaches the point that he tries to do as she would, even if she isn’t there. He searches for him people - for her. He saves Mel from the cliff. He doesn’t wanted to kill the grounder, Delano.

And then when he and Clarke are reunited, when she embraces him; that’s when it hits him - when all he can think is how someone like her can be so overjoyed to see someone like him, when she pulls away and they look at each other with something more than relief. 

Thats when he realizes she is his god.

Even if no one realizes it, does not see it, he knows. He recognizes her power, her mercy, her light. And all he wants is for her to keep looking at him like _that_ , to remain clean within the glow of her glory.

In that moment, he’d do anything for her - build her a shrine, offer her a sacrifice, give her his life. 

And he does so by protecting her. But staying by her side, sleeping in between her and the Grounders, throwing himself in front of a sword for her. 

But his faith is put to the test when she comes to him by the fire. When she tells him to go to Mount Weather, to win their people back. And even though he hoped what she told him earlier is true, that she couldn’t lose him too - he knows he’d still do as she said, even if it gets him killed. If she is being strong, if she is willing to bet it all, then so is he. And so he offers up all he has. 

He’d do anything to get those trapped in the mountain free. But he still struggled, wavering in his belief once more. 

But then he hears her over the radio, telling him she’d come up with a plan. Reassuring him with her voice alone - that she’d find a way for him to get their people back, for him to get back home to her. 

So he did all he could to succeed, and he is rewarded. Simply seeing her in the tunnels below what he deems to be Hell, that is salvation enough. 

If Octavia hadn’t held him up, he probably would have fallen to Clarke’s feet. 

But she seems to be falling, no longer having a plan or an army to back her. So Bellamy does the best he can. He is beside her then, trying to win back their people - _together_. 

But even after all that, after his confessions, after his sacrifices, after his belief in her; he still hasn’t given enough. 

He thought going to Mount Weather was him offering himself up to her. But watching her outside the gate, begging her to come inside, only to be denied - thats when he knows he is handing her his very being. Knows that when she walks away, she is taking his heart with her.

Because that is exactly how he feels. And he wants so badly to make her stay, to bring her home. But he knows he can’t, not if she doesn’t want too. Because how can he make her stay? How can a man like him win a woman like Clarke?

How can a mere mortal ever do more than worship a god? 

And so he lets her go. Yet his belief doesn’t waver, having hope in her final command. 

“May we meet again.” 

And with her kiss still searing his cheek, he knows she has inspired a devotion within him that will remain his whole life.

And so he can only mutter “May we meet again”, before turning back to camp. Knowing he will do as Clarke has told him, doing anything to keep their people safe. Because if thats what Clarke requires, he will obey. 

If only to honor his god.


End file.
